Even though Barack Obama won the popular vote in Connecticut by a significant margin, he barely squeaked by in Berlin, Connecticut with a very slim victory of only 138 votes. Obviously, Mitt Romney won the hearts and minds of many, many voters in Berlin, Connecticut.
I just received a telephone call from a Berlin supporter of Willard Mitt Romney, urging all of you Berlinites to petition Washington in order to secede from the Union and annoint Mitt Romney as the President–and Ann Romney as Queen–of these newly created Secession States. He wanted me to assure you that Mitt will be ready to assume the Presidency of these Secession States of America and fix the economic malaise caused solely by Barack Obama and confronting all of us by creating well-paying jobs through Romney’s well thought out, six-point, economic plan:
- Lower the highest effective tax rate on ordinary income from 35% to 20% since it has been stifling investment
- Eliminate the capital gains tax entirely since it has been stifling investment
- Eliminate taxes on dividend income for millionaires since it has been stifling investment
- Eliminate taxes on carried interest since it has been stifling investment and hampering the luxurious life style of our beloved billionaire hedge fund managers
- Eliminate the estate tax since it has been stifling investment and coffin sales
- Eliminate corporate taxes since it has been stifling investment and has been a major cause of outsourcing of jobs over the past 15 years
This truly is an innovative, bold, progressive, job-creating economic platform. Who would ever dispute its effectiveness, its Americanness, its freedomness, its Ronald Reaganness, and its Godliness!
In the mean time, you can watch a video which I recently obtained showing how Mitt Romney has been moving on since the election and how he has been preparing for the Presidency of our new, Godly, Reaganesque Secession States of America. (“Bedtime for Bonzo” will follow shortly.)
Long live Mitt Romney. And God save our Secession States of America.